Hazy College Days

100% true story.

It is a busy Friday night at the restaurant. Most of the sections are full and we are beginning to go on our usual wait. One of my co-workers get sat with a five top of the classiest people we have had in our restaurant that night. Ok, you got me, they were wearing overalls and asked if we had Bush beer. Anyway, as the story goes, my friend is taking the five top's order when something completely unexpected happens.

"And what may I get for you mam?" my friend asks.

"I would like the house salad with some fries." The redneck responds.

"Ok, one house salad and a side of fries." The server repeats back.

"Well, actually I want the fries on the salad." She responds

"What?" My now dumbfounded friend finally manages to say.

"Yea, just put the fries on the salad for me."

"Coming right up."

Now I have been serving in various restaurants for well almost three years now. In this time I have observed some strange eating habits of our species. Chicken pastas with no chicken, steaks with cheddar cheese added to them, and even the mushroom removed from our mushroom sandwich, which made the sandwich literally bread, cheese, lettuce and tomato. But never have I heard of adding french fries to salads.

Of course, our head cook decides to be funny when he sees the order walk in, and adds a side of ketchup to the salad instead of dressing. We all have a good laugh at this.

Now the salad has gone out to the table, and of course the lady asks for more ketchup, and proceeds to smother the salad with ketchup. Repeatedly.

Come on America. You ask why is everyone so fat, you ask why health care costs so much, and you ask why everyone seems to be sick all the time. That is your answer. Because dumb people like this one takes a perfectly health meal and destroys any nutritional value the salad might have had. This is your answer.

People in my restaurant get excited about fried appetizers with a side of grease added to it. Some people will eat enough food to feed at least a hundred starving Cambodians, and they will do it in one sitting. Then to top everything off, when I don't believe another morsel of food could possible fit into one person, you ask for desert and then gorge the thing like you have never ate before. This is why your fat.

Most restaurant actually offer healthy meal choices. Low carb, low calorie, and no trans fat menus are all over the place. You just have to make better choices. This is also why our government would rather finance a war than pay for our skyrocketing health care costs. They know that if health care was free, all these whales of Americas would be in their doctor's office the next day getting their much needed arteries unclogged so they can down another two meals at dinner.

I understand that some people have real problems with their weight. Maybe it is genetic, or something doesn't work the way it should, causing you to gain too much weight. But most of the over sized patrons of my restaurant do it to themselves. And I have no sympathy for that.

Oh yea, and diet coke really isn't going to help you all that much when you drink eight of them before I deliver your meal, get some water.

Labels: food, health, politics, restaurnat, serving, weight